The word Deuteronomy literally means 'second law' coming from the Greek words nomos (law) and deutero (second). In Deuteronomy Moses is essentially preaching to the Israelites or restating the Law to the new generation who had arisen during the 40 years in the wilderness. This he did prior to their entry into the promised land.
"The book of Deuteronomy is a call to remember what God has done for you and then respond with a renewed commitment to love, trust, and obey him completely. This book was Moses last chance to remember the people of Israel, who they were, where they came from, and how they got where they were" ~an Excerpt from my Revolution Young Men Bible
This is a restatement of my spiritual life, I don't add date stamps in anyways but this has occurred over the last 5 years . Mainly reprints from journals and some added touches. Who was I in the beginning and who am I now?
Teenage boy at Sophomore year, I dated numerous girls none ever lasting more than two weeks. Seeking a reason as everyone, getting over my fated Christmas break contemplating the dark sides of life constantly, since my mind was not bothered by everyday things like school. The reason never hit. Some amazing girl, that I can not believe was a close friend once, and actually an ex-girlfriend, pushed me in the greatest direction of my life. Not listening and rebelling to seek any further into what she told me was happening. I did not become a christian quite than but I showed more interest in it, more interest in God
Then I got my drivers license. I went in to sort of I guess a date freak stage. I dated a girl, depression afterwards till I dated another, and after about three relationships I found myself unhappy and happy in all of them and they never lasted a week. I blamed my problems on false emotions and degraded myself as a way to say sorry, maybe not the best way to do it but it worked at the time, even if it was in my mind. I felt then that I should try to be single and not so dependent on relationships. I was not in relationship but I started flirting with almost any girl that would respond back to me. I kind of think this is the same or even worser then just dating one girl. I was sort of disgusted with myself.
Junior Year, I felt more reasoned, more secure with life, it being filled with more friends and homecoming was coming up. Never being to a dance before, I started flirting, and ultimately asking a girl to the dance. The way the person was used without her knowing. Not officially going out before the dance, we seemed to talk more and more. Messing with each others minds, and she invites me to Church. Oh josh, God, how I wanted to really know him and learn about that scene. I decided to go.
So I did yes to be with her but slightly, mainly to answer some of my questions. Know how I said I felt judged. I feel it even now but my youth leader told me once to not worry about people judging me and that the lord had something in store for me. This sort of made me feel weird. I did not really want to believe everything thrown at me. So I attended a few more weeks. Looking around I see the common sterotypes at the Church, the All-out, arms raised, full-fledged Worshippers. How I actually envied those people in the begginging to be like them. Now I know that more than likely its just all for show. The Reserved people, that sings the songs and agree, content with everything they hear, I do not know if they heeded the words as knowledge or anything. Than the ones like me, either completely respectful to whoever speaking or disregarding all the other life in the building just to talk to some girl. I felt I have to prove it inside and that is all, prove it to God not to all these people. Anyways like the youth leader says I do not have to worry about people judging me.
Many people usually who accept Christianity, do for the wrong reasons sometimes. The promises of life after death even if its heaven or hell, is a very wrong reason to accept Christianity. Now into what is like six months of being serious about all this I have relized that there is somethings that I had to get rid off but for the most point I keep my individuality. Even in the bible it says that we are called for the same thing but there is multiple ways of doing it.
Indirectly Lydia pushed me to Christ more than anybody yet directly trying to push me away from Relgion, with her being the lost Prodigal daughter now and probably most of our relationship her an away from God. She knew the bible more than me. At the time I could quote 2nd Corinthians 5:7 and that was it. The lessons I learned, sometimes I would find myself working with her to disprove the bible by using other quotes from the bible to do so. With her being my girlfriend, it was such an opposing force, but for some reason I had a hard choice to make.
The part where I said "pushing onward, pushing every hindarance aside, out of my way". I declared to myself I wanted to learn all this, yet I was hindering myself, and yet being with this girl I was hindering myself. The church I grew up in the critical period of my faith taught lessons, that I am now just making sense of. I figured that I would dump her finally, yet I still struggling if I wanted to give up this "quest" just to hug her the way I use to. Till I hear news, that my best friend asked her out not even a month after the break-up. I did not care about them doing that but then I found out she said yes, not my choice for her to make. Yes it hurt a lot. That is the point where I did not want her anymore. Looking back I am glad that I can add to this story she came back to the Lord.
I was scared since I was Christian that everybody had a stronger faith than me, and that hindered me but a friend said to me that, whats a faith not worth fighting for. That is how I felt about mine. I did not fully understand what it was supposed to be for but I knew I didnt want to give up for sure unless I did know. I think my faith is stronger than it was ever than back then.
"The Mighty Men and Women of God"
This phrase contains so much power. It has been used in so many ways that, It has so many effects on me. Battlecry! Yeah Those that went remember it, but do any of you remember what happened there. I just know that a group went there before me the previous year, and got charged for god but nothing happened for them. Some came back the second year excited, some still knew what they had, some need reassurance, some came frightened they would lose a love one. As the Mighty men and Woman of god, as Chrissi and Josh told us. I mean sure I know from what I have read at the time. Matthew, John, Corinthians. You would think with the new Testament that the Old Testament was completely void. Way out of reason, I learned this from Pastor Dan at the Fellowship Church. I was complaining about reading Leviticus and how useless it seemed, I also told this to my boss who reads her bible and encourages me. Awesome I know, but they both told me that Even though the part of Leviticus, like how many cows you need for said sin and stuff like that, was void because of what Jesus has done. They told me to focus on the other part, That God is serious about his worship. "What happened to the Mighty men and Women of God?" It pains me that I used to be leadership there and I sort of just let it fall apart, trusting that whatever was coming was better, I think that part of the problem with my struggle. I think one of my life calling is Youth Ministry, or atleast to some extent, mentoring peers.
The new preacher came into Four Square, Jerry by the name, Pentecostal his game. He seemed so caught up in the Law Issue, I forgot about the love. I learned in the beginning that God "LOVED" us that is why he gave his only beggoten son so that if we believe in him we will be saved. Isn't that what we all want? For Our soul to be saved, and to die knowing what happens next I figured that is what I wanted. That was why I first choose Christianity. I am glad I did not stop their. because then you start asking questions their and base it all upon what you know already instead of learning more.
The law, God set laws back in the old Testament. Been reading that for a challenge, people thinks its useless, but I think its equal to Jesus. Without it most of the New Testament would be meaningless actually. Leviticus gave me a good insight on that. I think its really amazing when you start tying in Old to New Testament, that is how I came to my revelation today. We are suppose to believe in a God that is loving, but yet disciples us. How is this love here, if there is so many numerous things bad happening. Simply I say sin.
The downfall being that by his love we are too free, and by the standards he sets in his laws we can never attain since we sin. This came to me today. That Jerry is based heavy on the law because that is something we all forget in the love. Just because we are in his loves does not mean we should go undisciplined for our sins, which again goes to why Jesus died. I am not in to Christianity anymore to get into heaven, or for the love of God.
I am in it for the road to be a Disciple. I believe that god gives us the right to become better, to show others the real love, to show laws, and have them coincide, the Law being broken by sin, will cause us to be Punished but by the Love we have mercy to live up to God Standards. I love the Righteous heart of God and that he is not based all of Law, or all on Love. Which makes the Old testament of Laws and little love, complete the almost oppisite New Testament, of Love and little laws
It was a lesson on my first week away from New Hope. The lesson showed that mentoring was better for one on one. That if you pour your life into one thing that it has a higher quality when you are done. Maybe if our youth were to form again, then each leader could mentor one or two kids, because the example was mentoring is like nursing and only two babies can be breastfeed at once. Maybe that could be a successful way to lead a youth Group. Take turns teaching lessons, teaching it to the other leaders, so that they can help their 1 to 2 people with questions and answers. After we pour out so much of our life to these people eventually they can start pouring time into Bible reading or other people to mentor. Battlecry was a good event, that did set me on the right tracks, but it was a rough terrain after that.
I like being the innocent guy that everyone loves to hang out with and just chill. The guy you go to when you need help, a word of advice when needed. Be the perfect representive of Christ, thats too bad that I jump the fence to much. Due to my own behavior though being on the wrong side of the fence I earn some horrible titles. Heartbreaker and even a worse one, Player. Being accussed of only wanting to get in girls pants because I made out with a few girls. I actually grew tired of how a treated girls and recently got rebuked for it again. A while back resolved to not put myself in those positions anymore to stop 1 on 1 confrontations with girls because of my behavior.
I have not done such horrible acts for a while about 3 months. I by chance got to date this wonderful girl. One of the best ones to influence my life as of late. Taught me to be more into prayer, and more in the word. Before we were dating we had almost Bible Study twice a week and it was something special the way we hung out. It was totally glorifying God. Got this idea to try being official boy and girlfriend. I let it into be casual everything. Instead of bible studies we just played Halo or watched a movie. It was in the begginning I learned her story and got some blessings out of it. I sort of shut God out of the relationship once it became official a horrible idea. A short lived relationship, and what she got out of it was feeling like she was used by a Playa.
Thats really heartbreaking because I was tired of being that guy. That is all she got out of the relationship, and was better off just staying as friends. Its sort of been haunting me, and thats why I decided to put it out there. Its humilating to me of what I have done and thats what God would plainly say is sin. Anything we would be humilated about so I rather it be in the open instead of some months along somebody is thinking I have been playing these girls all these months when I been clean of the addiction, or even if I fall back into it, then somebody could kick my ass and set me straight.
I do not do this out of pity. Nothing but asking forgiveness from those I have wronged in the past. If you don't then I am fine with that. In the past girls have sometimes been fine with it. A little slap on the wrist is not going to change me, it would not change anybody unless they made an utmost conscience decision to do it themselves. I have been a scumbag and I do not want to dress it up anymore with the pretty masquerade. This is over a year old, and I now need to remember my commitment. As of the new year as to not fall into any new relationship with wrong motives
Deuteronomy 4:31 "For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your ancestors, which he confirmed to them by oath."
My year has been good and bad. In the Lord I have learned more about personal disciple to keep doing things even when feelings are contrary God will give us the courage to do them.
I've read about how pray respects, honors, petitions and then praises God. This is found constant in many prayers of the bible though that is not a formula of prayer but it has a good structure to show amazing how God is instead of the "I need this, Lord" prayer. I've even found a clever way to bless my friends and others, and even found a old prayer I loved in Numbers. I've resolve to make it through the bible this year and going through Deuteronomy made me think about what got me here. Its been hard lessons. Who am I now? While I definitely know a lot more than the confused kid in the beginning of this entry, I am still capable of many the mistakes he made and still finding myself in trouble with my sin nature. I don't let it hold me so dearly and so as find myself talking with friends about Christ, ones that I thought would be disgusted of me talking about him. The lord will continue to bless us.
Numbers 6:24-26
“The LORD bless you
and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”
